Did you know that Ford once employed a Poet Laureate?
Oh yes!, we say resoundingly. To name new cars more poetically, and hopefully excitingly, and to kickstart their stuck development team, the carmaker in 1955 contracted with Marianne Moore, the American writer, who then served for one brief season as the Ford Motor Company’s unofficial poet laureate. Some of her new car name suggestions were:
The Ford Silver Sword
Intelligent Bullet
The Ford Fabergé
Mongoose Civique
Anticipator
Pastelogram
Astranaut
Utopian Turtletop
Okay, then. Well, clearly, those weren’t very good. And Ford agreed, politely rejecting all of Moore’s suggestions. But now, after the government has bought two-thirds of the domestic auto industry in an effort to raise it out of its ongoing malaise, why not have Icarus Landing name new lines of cars? And not just for GM and Chrysler, for everybody! Yes, Icarus Landing – Poet Laureate to the World’s Finest Automobiles! Great idea! We here at Icarus Landing officially love this idea! So here, already, are some of our suggestions for all the new models coming out soon:
The New Saturn Skeletal Articulator IV [The ‘Boney’]
The New Skion Skionic Iambic Pentamatic Poet Rocket
The New GM Opal Opalesque Not Ecru Hardshell Soft Top Semi-Convertible
The New Yugo Chugger
The New Kia-2-Kia Kollider
The New BMW 930 Lambent Lustrositor
The New Cadillac Signature ‘M’ Series: ESM – Ego Supremacy Maker
The New Cadillac Signature ‘M’ Series: FSM – Fiduciary Capitalism Motorcar
The New Cadillac Cadillaclysm
The New Aston-Martin Circumlocutory Ambulator
The New Bentley RFC – Rich Fat Cats Ridin’ Smoothmobile
The New Chrysler GTO Deucecoup Roadster – The Douche Louche
The New Rolls Royce Silver Poor People Dreamcrusher
The New Volkswagen Kunsellschafttenburgenweinerschnitzenhosenliederwaffen [Note: Can be shortened to ‘Kunsellschafttenburgenweinerschnitzenhosenliederwaffe‘]
The New Buick Blutoothacher
The New Ferrari S6 You So Can’t Afford This Sportster
The New Hyundai Brutalesque Bloodly
The New China Motors Hummer H4 Yellow Brutality Mao-chine
The New China Motors Hummer H5 Communist Red Ryder Mao-chine
The New China Motors Hummer H6 Disconnect Your Bones Smooth Riding Mao-chine
The New Mercedes Benz Lower Classes Economic Masherbach
The New Mercedes Benz Snobbilyric Ciceronian LC Series
The New GM ‘GM’ – The General Moneymauler
The New Porsche Out-of-the-Boxster Richly Impossibler
The New Toyota Echoes of Ugliness
The New Toyota Canwe – Can We Design This Any Uglier?
The New Lexus Attitudinal Superioritor XC
The New Jaguar XJ2-Poor Then Don’t Even Think About Coming Near Me Ever Sedan
The New Jaguar XJ2-Poor Then Don’t Even Think About Touching Me Ever Coupe
The New Land Rover R2-Hundred Grander Marquis
The New Volvo Affluence Assurancer C100 SUV
The New Lamborghini Gold Dome Treasury on Wheels Countach
The New Maserati Stocks Reserves and Property Abundant Plenituder LTD
The New Saab 9-5 Urbane Wellgroomer
The New Chevy Volt-aire Candide-alon Vive Le Ohmic Resistance!
Icarus Landing 
2 comments
Comments feed for this article
December 11, 2009 at 2:27 pm
The Fun Art of Naming Cars | Cars....
[…] Original post by daedalus […]
December 11, 2009 at 2:57 pm
writerdood
Nice.
Maybe adjust the name to fit the target market as well. You might want to hit some of those niche markets.
How about the “H3 Compensator,” for those with real small equipment.
The “Ford Bareback” might appeal to the gay community.
The “GM Obamabuster” could be marketed towards conservatives, but will they be allowed to produce it?
The “Chevy Palin” has no windows and comes stock with a hunting rifle and mirror-girlie mudflaps.
The “Volvo Carbonizer,” for the anti-global warming crowd has the largest carbon footprint possible, with extra CO2 emissions.